TUESDAY TATTLESㅣGo Away. Give Me A Chance To Miss You… (But I won’t. Just go.)

Photo courtesy: http://memecenter.com

Fickle-minded. Almost always confused. Yes, I am. *Me: timidly standing in one corner, shyly looking down while slowly raising my right hand.* 

I keep changing my mind and feelings frequently. It’s too frequent that if the biochemical reactions to my mental and my emotional stimuli could roll their eyes or could just simply hand over to me their responsibilities and leave, they would.

I guess my hormones are in constant rotating shift schedule. Or maybe they are too happy to be part of me because I usually don’t mind anything. (I imagine my  hormones dozing off while some are happily sliding and skinny dipping in my bloodstream!)

It’s not because I don’t care or I’m too cool. It’s mainly because I’m just lazy for arguments. “Do whatever,” I’d always say.

If I like you it means I really do. No reservations, no vagueness, and no pretensions. But it doesn’t mean I’d be forever amused with you or I’d always want your company or see your face or hear your voice. No!

I get sick and tired easily and quietly (both literal and figurative). I can’t hang out with the same people everyday or every week or any set schedule. I can’t even talk to the same person for long. That’s why I’m only friends with people I really like, not to those I just ‘kinda’ like.

I always crave for distance. I need my own cave. Sometimes I think I am a man trapped in a woman’s body. You know how men are, right? Most of them, if not all, need their distance without a single thing in their mind.. Blank. Nada. I’m like that.

If I’m being pushed to my limit, I tend to cut connections, again literally and figuratively. I fade out. I can easily drop clingy and toxic pals. Bye, Felicia!

(After reading some articles, I think maybe I’m an introvert. Shoutout to Huffpost! http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/8576530)

 

 

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Be Awesome for DUMMIES.

How to be somebody? Somebody that is AWESOME. This is exactly my thought.

I don’t let my mind linger on it to avoid blow to my self-esteem. But I can’t help myself.

In the middle of nowhere, I always catch myself gazing at something without really seeing it.

Sometimes, I can’t even tell apart my goals from my daydreams.

I always wonder, in plain curiosity, how other human beings can be great while others passed by in this world without leaving a mark or without having a chance to do what they want most in their lifetime.

What is the criteria of life in giving us different circumstances that seem not fair at all?

How does world really work?

Be Awesome for DUMMIES. Is there such a thing?

Should I?

http://pandawhale.com/

Photo source: http://pandawhale.com

I was at the hospital last Thursday for my appointment with the neurologist. An appointment that was made two months ago. Imagine that! I was thinking if I were in a critical condition, I’d never get to meet that doctor in my lifetime.

Anyway, I was there because of my migraine. I suffered a two-week excruciating pain on the right side of my head. I just assumed it was a migraine. All the symptoms pointed to “migraine” when I googled it. My CT scan result was normal (thankfully), that’s why I was appeased to wait for two freaking months before a specialist could check and tell me if I am still going to live on this earth.

My neurologist prescribed me two types of medicines; Zomig is for easing the pain. This is familiar to me because one of my best friends, who is a nurse, brought me a box of it during my battle with the headache; Topamax is for prevention or to lessen the occurrence of  headache. I was nervous the instant he said that it is originally formulated to treat epilepsy. I was like, “What is wrong with you, doctor?!” Of course I did not say it out loud. I am pretty sure I even looked like I was listening to him intently.

He said Topamax prevents migraine if given in right dosage. But my I-know-better-than-you-side-of-mind wouldn’t like to accept it. What if I become the one in a million case who will have epilepsy rather than be cured from migraine? (this is just my wild imagination working). What if the side effects such as numbness, negative effect in eyesight, and weight loss become permanent? Oh well, I won’t mind the weight loss.

I was convincing myself that I should take those medicines for my own good. And because I have to see him again after three months. Yeah, it was really more because of the latter.

To convince myself more and to give me some confidence in that drug, I consulted my genius friend, Google. To my horror, the reviews scared me more. The two things that made me swear not to take it: 1.Kidney stones. My love affair with salt since I was a kid wouldn’t help me to take a piece of that medicine. 2.Forgetting words mid sentence. Good luck to me if I’ll remember anything once it hit me. I keep forgetting some things now, what more if I take something that will cause me memory loss? Ugh.

Fifty-first dates or The notebook fate-alike? No thanks.

“Hey” & “Blah”

20garden

“Hey..” is most likely the only word that will come out of my mouth when I see you. I can imagine myself just standing in front of you, tongue-tied, and struck with awe.

Bitten by your charm bug, I definitely am. I can’t fathom how a person from a thousand miles away would have such an impact in my mood and in my mind.

How could you come into my life without a warning? I was living peacefully until you came and put each of my days in deep reverie.

By mere seeing your name, my heart would jump. You’re greater than the serotonin in my coffee cup.

How dare you? How dare you steal a part of me in just a snap? You make me think how different we are and how we are apart.

But who knows what the future holds? It may be written in the stars that I will meet you someday. Our story might just start with “Hey..”

Coffee, friends, and my boo-boo.

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Flushed. I can feel my face is burning red and is numb. Do you know the feeling of arguing with someone while thinking the ace card is on your side? You’d contemplate on how dumb that person could be to even express himself when you both know that you know better than him.. only to find out later that you were wrong.

Earlier, I was arguing with my friend and I discovered later that he was right.

My self-righteous conscience smirked at me making my damaged pride pack its suitcase and it left me without saying goodbye.

I remember one time, my bestfriend and I met in a mall. We were looking for a coffee shop, CBTL to be specific. I forgot what that acronym stands for after a long time of not going there. I settled for “Coffee Blend” and didn’t bother what the “TL” means.

“Where’s the ‘CBTL? Coffee Blend?’ I asked the guard who was roaming around. “Huh? ‘Coffee Bleend,’ go straight and turn right. My eyes wanted to roll but I just smiled and thanked him. Bubble thought: “The nerve of that man to correct me. My pronunciation is the right one!”

Thinking about that innocent man and my bestfriend who wouldn’t stop laughing, I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I thought. Well, not really. Maybe just a little bit. Anyway, of course the guard was right. I just misheard him. It’s Coffee Bean.

I have the same stories in different situations. I just never learn.

My mind is a b*tch. It can go from very pleasant to cruel one. But hey, I am glad my mouth has a filter.

SUNDAY CHILLㅣAbsolut-ly.

Dear You,

How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while. Have I ever crossed your mind like you do in mine? Maybe not.

I know you’re always busy with someone and some groups of friends. You’re the one that everyone loves to hang with on any occasion.

You lighten up the mood when things get awkward. You make it easy for anyone to express their buried-deep emotions.

What magic do you possess to make us sing and dance? How do you make everyone get sick of you but still keep coming back?

Your mere existence is something I will never understand. I need to breakaway from you. Is this just for temporary or is this the last goodbye? Don’t ask me now.

I might still see you around. Don’t worry, I will be okay and I will still say ‘Hi’.

Sincerely,

I’m on a diet.

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Too Cool For Facebook.

“What’s on your mind?,” my dear Facebook wall asked me. It seemed so concerned with my life. It sounded like a friend, or a mother at times. But then, each time I replied to its question, it never answered back. When I was feeling happy, it ignored me. When I was down or mad, it didn’t care and it made me sound like a crazy childish b*tch. So, I think it’s just like a gossipmonger who wanted to know the fishy details about me and let the world see them.

Have you questioned yourself for a second if you should accept the friend request of that colleague whom you never talked to more than “hi’s and hello’s”? Or that girl you went with in grade school or high school? We have those facebook friends we’re not really friends with in real life. You’re a snob if you decline their friend requests. You’re at risk to gossips if you do. To shrug it off, you clicked yes and added them to “restricted” list.

Last night, I was hanging out with my girlfriends and we were talking about how we can’t control the urge to browse our phones to check our Facebooks every now and then. It’s always the first thing we check in the morning and the last thing at night. Yeah, even during those times we came home from a fun party, worse, even while we were in a party.

Have you ever thought about how the mysterious effect has gone? Imagine, it’s your high school reunion. You prepped and dressed up. You were fashionably late as you planned so everyone’s eyes would be on you when you arrive. Did you hear the oohhhs and ahhhs  you were expecting? No?  It’s probably because they were not interested on what’s new with you. Nobody even dared to ask “How have you been?” because they know more than they should know about you.

Don’t rely on social media to reach out for your loved-ones and friends. Why would you be like “Hey, I heard you guys broke up. Are you okay?”? And you wrote that on the WALL! Settings: Public! Are you effing kidding me?! Just call that person! You’re wasting earth’s energy. Seriously.

George Clooney once said, ‘If you’re famous and on Twitter, you’re a moron’.

I say, “The less people know about you, the more they become interested in you.”

Bring back the air of mystery. It’s sexy.